didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
COCAINE IS GR8
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
