hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
