He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm having to shit out rocks
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
