Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
her vagine was all disorganized.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
