well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
