Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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