if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
