Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.

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(480): View more from Arizona

This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi

Fav 23 4387 833
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(216): View more from Ohio

My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.

Fav 2 1132 1955
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(770): View more from Georgia

Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.

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(614): View more from Ohio

This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?

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(847): View more from Illinois

hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.

Fav 2 2204 1089
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises

Fav 4 1949 1202
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(631): View more from New York

I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned

Fav 2 590 385
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(310): View more from California

If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol

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