so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
