You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
