I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
