batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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