I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
my god I love twenty year old dicks
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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