first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
