I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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