Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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