i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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