you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
