I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
