If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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