Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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