I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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