the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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