then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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