I CAN MOONWALK!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
