she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
