Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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