to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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