Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
