Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
