I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
