omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
only you would photoshop your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize