You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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