Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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