I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
