we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
