I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
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Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
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Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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