I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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