My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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