you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
