The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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