I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
