we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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