Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
