"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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