If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
