Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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