the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
