I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
