he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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