Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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