it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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