Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
