There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
