How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
