The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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