some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
