Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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