Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
